The Deer Huntress: About Those Facebook Hunting Pictures

“I will NEVER get a smartphone,” I said, glaring at the camera as if Rudy, Huntographer extraordinaire, were made entirely of flesh-eating bacteria.  “It would ruin the inherent beauty of the hunt,” I added as I looked down to my husband’s then-iPhone.

A year to the day from that statement’s first utterance finds me here, sitting atop this tree stand, staring at my Casio Commando as if it is the last source of entertainment on earth.

That scene on the Huntography DVD always makes me laugh, for I am now a proud Android user and cannot imagine going about my everyday hunting life without it.

Alas, here I sit, staring at my phone.  I switch between Facebook and Twitter, Instagram and back again.  There’s a book in my bag and a fully charged kindle for backup but my fingers are too cold to turn the tender pages of whatever beloved novel was unceremoniously shoved into my bag.

Twitter got pretty boring for a Sunday night, no one had shot anything of awe or wonder, so I got on Facebook and began to stalk my friends’ deer hunting pictures.  After an hour of this, I came to realize, not only do I have entirely too few hunting friends on my non-Writing-Huntress platforms, but that my outdoor brethren have some seriously interesting poses with their kills.

Hence, without further adieu, really what additional adieu do you need, we’re both sitting here, up in a tree, with nothing in sight for miles except the turkeys that insist on congregating over in that field and the entirely-too fat squirrel who has tempted my arrow for weeks upon end, here are a few of my favorite poses.

 

The Christmas Morning

Also known as “First Deer Syndrome”, this is a capture of the insane, euphoric, life-altering moment experienced by two brothers.  No care is given to how it looks, whose name brand is seen, the number of points coming from atop its head- it’s all about the moment.

 

 

 

The DIY

Rouge Huntress, as she is known in the world of social media, displays this pose beautifully- from the solo kill, solitary field dress, lonely lift onto the tailgate, and stunning self portrait.

 

 

 

 

The Optical Illusion

This hunter, a dear friend of mine, shot the spots off this doe and posed in a way that made his kill look as big as possible, although the addition of my muzzleloader probably wasn’t the best prop.

 

 

 

 

The Perfect Shot

While many a hunter chooses to pose with his kill, this photograph of one of our deer from North Carolina was harvested with a literal perfect shot, which overshadowed any picture we could’ve taken with him.

 

 

 

 

The Night Rider

JC, tow truck operator, clearly defines this pose with the midnight-black-I-swearched-for-this-deer-for-hours-and-I’m-serious-about-it-WHERE-IS-KITT-WHEN-YOU-NEED-HIM facial expression.

 

 

 

 

 

The (Supposedly) Photoshopped

Jackalopes are real, not sure how many times I have to tell y’all, but they are- many poses fall into this category, but I tell you, dear reader, this is not one of them.

 

 

 

 

 

By the time I looked up from my phone, a doe had clandestinely crept into the lane approximately four feet from my stand.  She sniffed the air and then began to urinate, obviously covering up my musty human smell.  I silently thanked her for the help and for the reminder that hunting is an odd duck, from the funny stories told to the lifelong memories held, the narrowly missed shots to the strange images that make it to Facebook.

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