rthomas4 wrote:I wouldn't hunt in Colorado anyhow, after their gun control measures were passed. But, I'd be contacting every professional guide referral agency in the country and sic the BBB on his ass!
The shaman sat with Pooh Bear on the grassy knoll, munching popcorn.
"What's going on?" asked the random odd deer hunter. That wasn't a very good description. Most deer hunters were odd, and a good number of them were fairly random, however, the shaman thought about it and decided it was a description that would suffice the situation.
"We're waiting for the pig wrestling. " said Pooh. "Oh please do come and join us."
"Who's on the card today?" asked the deer hunter.
"Who cares." said the shaman. "After they get down in that mud and roll around in it, it's hard to tell them apart."
"That's terrible!" said the deer hunter. "You should be picking sides."
"Why?" asked the shaman. "After they become indistinguishable from each other, it is fruitless to say who has the upper hand, or who is cheating. It's all just one gay mudbath, and I happen to like it. Popcorn?"
"No thanks." said the deer hunter. "I think you're disgusting."
"Suit yourself." said the shaman. "I've watched my best friends go wallow about down there. At some point, you just have to admit that it's ripping spectacle and let it go at that."
"But two of your friends fighting?. . . surely-"
"Stop calling me Shirley." said the shaman. "It's never two friends that fight. I hear they substitute a pig for one of them in order to make it more sporting."
"That makes for the best fight. Besides, that's why it's called pig wrestling. If there wasn't a pig involved, what would they call it?
"That's abusive to the pig. They should be reported to the authorities."
"Horsefeathers." said the shaman. "The pig loves it-- either way he wins."
"But . . . but . . . it's not . . . it's not Kosher!"
"I'm not going to get into that argument." said the shaman. "Under the circum. . . circum. . .(The shaman caught himself) under these conditions, that is an inappropriate choice of words. If you persist in this, I will have to challenge you to fight the pig. "
"What are you going to do?"
"Sit up here with Pooh Bear and munch my popcorn and laugh."
About this time Piglet arrived with a small pennant that read "SWINEPOWER! Go Pigskins!" He had on a raccoon coat and was singing the porcine fight song. It sounded like it had been lifted from somewhere, but the shaman could not pick it out:
"Love and honor to the wallow
our pig stye old and grand
Proudly we shall ever hail thee
Over all the land.
"Mud and squalor now we praise thee,
Sin, and drink and a lay
Will cure the cholic that besets thee
Forever and a day."
"ARRRGH! " yelled the random deer hunter as he stormed off."
"What's the matter with him," asked Pooh Bear?"
"Nothing a good steak and a lay wouldn't cure," right Piglet?
"Right you are!" said Piglet. "I didn't know you were a Pigskin fan! Did you attend PorkU?"
"No," said the shaman, "But I'm a huge fan. I just tended a couple of chicks in the dorms. I got my tickets for free that way-- kind of an inside job."
"Oh," said Piglet, not fully understanding.
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