try to help or not

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Homunculi
 
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Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:35 am

try to help or not

Postby Homunculi » Thu May 08, 2014 4:33 pm

do not know if i should ask this or not

my one buddy is having a hard way to go as most of us in this crap economy .. but i am getting worried
his kids are in trouble for one thing or another this last time it was shoplifting .. smoking pot and drinking alcohol at school

i hate to see a good friend self destruct but this is getting crazy .. he went from having a few cans of beer at the range after shooting for a while
to crazy amounts of drinking .. but he is not talking .. thanks to one of our wives we are getting the low down .. (hearsay)

he is a home builder and that market went to crap and he sits on unemployment most of the time anymore and his wife's health is failing diabetes.. internal bleeding .. needs hips replaced .. and more ..

what has me worried is in one week i seen 8 30 packs of beer in the trash can .. and a mutual friend that works with him has told me some disturbing stories of him on the job site .. this last time they were working ..
he would show up 1-2 hours early .. waiting on the boss and the crew to arrive and would be stinking of beer ... with a coffee in his hand
had the company credit card taken away from him for buying beer on it ... and when the boss went to fill the tank up on the company van .. he opened the cooler .. it was packed with beer under the gatorade and water ...

this past week i learned they are not working till next friday and he is out on a limb
i knew that were having a struggle with finances but i did not know how bad .. over the past couple of days the hearsay has gotten worse
(i do not know if it is true) he is going to lose his house and his land ..

things i am seeing :
insane amounts of beer cans at his house
refusing to take on side jobs that could help with money to help keep his home and truck
and his family together
call him on my lunch breaks to see what is going on for shooting after work and he is sh*tfaced drunk or no answer
when he returns my call he is slurring
not mowing the lawn
trash building up
gutters falling off the house

stopped by and a guy from the bank was there talking to him .. and mels wife heard from his wife... the bank is going to auction the property off sometime this july

it seems as though i do not know him as well as i thought ... and until he talks to us we cannot talk to him ..
well i do not know when he can talk to us since it seems he is always drinking now .

how can i help him and get him back on track?? if i say anything it will more than likely end our friendship ...

or am i just wasting my time... should i just stand back and let him drink his life away??? ...
Last edited by Homunculi on Mon May 19, 2014 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If I ain't huntin i ain't livin!!

hunting is not only skill but, being in the right place at the right time ...

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MZS
 
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Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 8:20 am
Location: Northern Wisconsin

Re: try to help or not

Postby MZS » Fri May 09, 2014 7:37 am

This fellow is obviously feeling like the world is closing in on him and alcohol is his temporary escape. Unfortunately, the alcohol and drugs will end up destroying what little he has going for him. He needs help. Many would suggest a 12-step type program. I would suggest prayer, and lots of it. I will pray for him as well.

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rthomas4
 
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Location: Hampton, SC

Re: try to help or not

Postby rthomas4 » Fri May 09, 2014 10:25 am

Maybe it's time for his friends to stage an intervention and confront him. From the sounds of it, he's headed to personal destruction and if he's not willing to open up, then it might be time for his friends to force the issue.
NRA LM, NAHC LM, Buckmasters LM, The Second Amendment Foundation, GOA, NAGR, Palmetto Gun Rights, QDMA, DU, NWTF, ASAdisabled sportsmens' alliance, EDH, and Proud SC redneck REBEL for life.

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Ohio farms
 
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Location: Mentor, Ohio

Re: try to help or not

Postby Ohio farms » Fri May 09, 2014 12:20 pm

I'm guessing that he is suffering from depression. An intervention with professional help would be a good thing. Go ahead and try prayer, but I would not lead with that. He needs some real help before he self destructs.
Keep life simple...if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras.

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Homunculi
 
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Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:35 am

Re: try to help or not

Postby Homunculi » Sat May 10, 2014 11:42 am

he is not on the religious side... me and my mrs have him on the prayer list at church .. (but i think he needs more than that)

though he is a good friend i feel i would be overstepping my bounds saying something to him
all the guys that shoot with us are concerned but are feeling the same way i am

and it seems that none of us want to make the first move to try to get him help .. (but, we talk about it)

that is why i am asking in the forum ..

from past experiences i know it is impossible to help those who will not help themselves ...and some of the guys are already steering clear of him ..

if he will talk...... then i would not feel like i am pushing my luck saying something ...

any ideas ... i am all ears .... thanks
If I ain't huntin i ain't livin!!

hunting is not only skill but, being in the right place at the right time ...

gear:
tenpoint TITAN HLX
revelation 30" barrel 12G
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Homunculi
 
Posts: 432
Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:35 am

Re: try to help or not

Postby Homunculi » Mon May 19, 2014 4:47 pm

rthomas4 wrote:Maybe it's time for his friends to stage an intervention and confront him. From the sounds of it, he's headed to personal destruction and if he's not willing to open up, then it might be time for his friends to force the issue.



i got the guys together and we stopped by yesterday .. and he fessed up to his money problems .. we offered some help to get his lawn and house back into shape .. he looked at us and said it is not our problem ..

i did not let on i went to the clerk of courts and found out the problem has been going on since 2008 along with 2 tax leans against his property for none payment of state taxes ...
but as we talked he seemed to get a little angry at us .. and we stated we are just trying to help .. then he went ballistic and told us all to leave ..

i really hate to see someone self destruct like this !!!!

so a few of us showed up this morning at 6:30 .. me with my mower .. mel with tools .. joe with weed eaters .. i started the lawn .. joe started trimming and mel rehung the gutters and got them cleaned out as well as getting dead limbs off the roof and patched up some siding ..

he came out around 7:30 BEER in hand and asked us "what the hell are we doing!!??" none of us answered him at first .. and kept working .. we watched as he drank more watching us work .. he stopped and unlocked his shed and got his mower out and started mowing .. but i had the most of the yard done ..

all i can do is hope this morning and yesterday afternoon gave him a little bit of a wake up call... if not i do not know what else i can do .. none of us can or are willing to help with cash for his money issues not only for fear of him drinking it away but, we cannot afford to help his as we are having some troubles ourselves .. also he got a call this afternoon .. him and mel might be going back to work building houses ...
fingers crossed for a good line of steady work ...

if y'all have any other ideas that can help me get him back on track .... please let me know
If I ain't huntin i ain't livin!!

hunting is not only skill but, being in the right place at the right time ...

gear:
tenpoint TITAN HLX
revelation 30" barrel 12G
Bear Encounter

Bowriter
 
Posts: 195
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:13 pm

Re: try to help or not

Postby Bowriter » Sat May 24, 2014 3:31 pm

I'll make this brief. I believe your friend has probably become an alcoholic. I work with them daily and I know for a fact, there is nothing you can do unless he is ready to quit. Were it me, I would simply confront him with the facts as you stated in your opening comment and ask if he wants help, if he wants to quit drinking. If he does, get him to AA immediately. I am positive there is a group near you and it will be listed in the phone book. Get him to a meeting. From that point on, it is totally up to him.

If he wants your help, he will tell you so. If he denies he is drinking that much or says he can quit any time he wants to, you are wasting your time. If he tells you to mind your own business, do so.

I see and work with from 10-30 confirmed alcoholics and addicts a day. I myself am an alcoholic however, I have been sober for many years. It is almost a guarantee, if he continues to drink, he will lose everything and often, that is what it takes. I would also just about bet his child, the one in trouble for drinking at school, is in just as bad shape.

One thing you might do is contact the local AA chapter yourself and speak with someone there, Tell them you want someone to make a 12th step call with you and spell out the situation. They may be able to do a better job in talking with him.

Good luck.


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