Back in the early 90's, when Clinton was downsizing the military, one of the things they did was to offer long time career high ranking officers early retirement. To spice it up a bit, they also added on a cash bonus based on the longest distance between two body parts, at a rate of $1000 per inch.
The first man up was an Army general. They explained the bonus deal to him, and then gave him the option of which body parts he wanted measured. He spread his arms apart, and then had the medic measure between the tips of his fingers on either hand.
"72 inches, sir. That would be a bonus of $72,000.00"
The next one up was a Navy admiral. He chose to stand on his toes, and stick his right arm straight up while extending his finger. A bit funny looking, but it measured 80 inches.
The last one was a grizzled, battle scared old Marine commander. They asked him what he wanted, and he replied,
I want you to measure from the tip of my nose, to my scrotum.
"But that's not very far, sir", said the medic.
"Did I studder, sonny?" the Marine fired back, "Do what I ordered....NOW!!"
"YES SIR!" replied the medic. "Please step behind that screen, remove what clothing you have to, and I'll be right there."
The Marine did so, and as the medic stepped behind the screen to measure him, he was taken aback by the shocking fact that the Marine had no scrotum!
"Oh my Lord, sir! Where's your scrotum!"
"VIETNAM, sonny, in a rice patty/mine field south of Saigon....now measure and PAY UP!!!!"
Offer No Apologies.....
NRA Endowment Life Member