Grandfather guilt

[Ohio farms]

Yesterday my 2 1/2 yr. old grandson broke is arm on the bicycle that I bought him last week. He is a rock and doing fine with his cast, but I feel like a dog. My daughter assures me that I need not feel guilty, but I still do. Grandparent guilt is awful.

[freak nasty 145]

He's a buckeye tuff just like you. Hope he's feeling better.

[Ohio farms]

He pretty much has gone southpaw and totally ignoring the entire issue.

[kellory]

My daughter could bend her forearm like a "z" after stepping over a razor scooter. She missed her footing and fell. She wasn't even riding it. First day she had it. She is my most fearless child, as she climbs trees and puts my heart in my throat! That child is learning to drive now. No one ever said kids were easy to raise, but the having of them is the best thing I ever did. Your grandson will be fine. I find that the hardest thing about a child learning to ride a bike........... is letting go of the seat.

[Ohio farms]

I know he will be fine, just hate to see him hurt. You are so right about letting go of the seat and many other things as well.

[Woods Walker]

"Letting go of the seat"..........I can relate. That's good metaphor for raising kids to be functioning adults.

You know, you try and raise your kids to be independent, self reliant, tough and adaptable, all the traits they will need to do well in life. The problem is, is that those very traits are the same ones that will separate you from them. Not that they won't have a relationship with you, but that they will probably move on and make their life where they must to do well, and that may very well be far from you. A parent's dilemma....

[kellory]

Ohio, Woodsie, these are my words to my mother in 2010. This is from one of the emails I sent her, after my son brought me his out grown, but good looking dress shoes. ": Hes a Big Boy Now

Time waits for no man, 'though he rail and swear, 'though he build monuments from dreams that crumble to dust. From toddler to doddler, time like smoke sifts through our fingers leaving a taste, a touch, and a memory. Time waits for no man. A look that says you taught me well, now let me try this, or I know that already! The handmedown shoes, "these might fit you dad" His second tattoo; for his legacy. Time waits for no man. Her earings and make-up, Her need to save the weak and lost, her wit and budding grace. Her spurs and no gentle ponies but Give me a Pursherion or a Clydsedale! The tree monkey, who's fear is mine.Sharp minds to stump whilst I can....time waits for no man. A sliding slope with no purchase found, a test of balance and bravery, A decline man can slow but never stop, yet footprints proclaim "This way went a man. Time waits for no man." Both of my children amaze me.

[scottflesher]

Ohio,
I understand your guilt. I read this email the other day and as I read your post, it reminded me of the email. While it may not reduce the venom of the guilt, time hopefully will and your grandson will have a memory and a great story to share. I too hope he heals quickly. I hope you enjoy the story behind the below email:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For
my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice
cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by
being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog
put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's
all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he
wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let
him.
When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along,
I hope you'll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in
a town where you can do it safely.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to
drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as
your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of
buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in
your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a
boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap
tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick
your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a
friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go
fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your
neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukkah/Christmas
time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and
happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

[Ohio farms]

Those were really great thoughts Scottflecher. Thoughtful words to live by. I tried to expose my daughter to things that I thought were important, not only to me, but things that would enable her to grow into a caring respectful adult. You never know what will stick in their minds as they grow up. It's a cautionary tail actually, because no matter what you do or say it will have an impact, be it negative or be it positive. My daughter wrote me this when I retired in 07. It was the nicest thing that she ever said to me.
The title was, "Why you deserve to retire early" .
...because you taught me so much, like how to cook, how to hit a line drive, how to bait a hook, how to read a map, how to catch sand crabs in the Outer Banks, how to hit lightning bugs with a baseball bat ( not too proud of that one, but they do light up when you hit them), how to hunt, how to love being outside, how to be fair, how to be funny, and how to be me. And because you always were patient with me between the ages of 13 and 19.
Obviously, I still have that card that she wrote me 5 years ago. Huge responsibility being a parent.

[scottflesher]

Absoutely. Sometimes easier said than done to live by those words.
I think sometimes as parents (and grandparents for you ) we try to shield our children from the rough, harsh world. However most of my true appreciation for Gods blessings comes from those times. I appreciate the simplicty of the outdoors probably because of the complexity of the world. I wish a speedy recovery to your grandson and from your description, he sounds like a very resilliant young man. Don't let that guilt take away the opportunity to spoil him rotten.