Joke of the Day

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kellory
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby kellory » Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:22 pm

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"No," the second guy says.

"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.

"Oh," says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"See what?" the second guy asks.

"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

"Oh."

A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
The only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker is observation. All the same data is present for both. The rest is understanding what you are seeing.

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kellory
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby kellory » Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:28 pm

Arizona Crazy Law
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.


Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.


When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.


Hunting camels is prohibited.


Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.


It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.


Glendale
Cars may not be driven in reverse.


Globe
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.


Hayden
If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.


Maricopa County
No more than six girls may live in any house.


Mesa
It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.


Mohave County
A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.


Nogales
An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.


Prescott
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.


Tucson
Women may not wear pants.


Tombstone
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

1
The only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker is observation. All the same data is present for both. The rest is understanding what you are seeing.

woodsalta
 
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Location: Framingham, MA

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby woodsalta » Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:05 am

A couple goes to the hospital to deliver their baby. Upon arrival the Doctor tells them of a new machine he has invented to transfer up 50% of the pain from child birth from the mother to the father and asks them if they would like to try it. The Husband says, "sure anything to help out my wife". The doctor hooks him up to the machine and decides to start the transfer at 10%, to which the father shows no sign of pain. So the doctor turns it up to 20% and still the husband shows no sign of pain. He tells the doctor, "turn it up to 50% this is a breeze!" and the wife delivers the baby without any extra pain. When they get home they both find the mailman dead on the front porch. :lol:
A man with a gun is a citizen, a man without a gun is a subject.

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kellory
 
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Location: Ohio

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby kellory » Tue Sep 27, 2011 8:04 pm

Did you hear about the blond working in a house of ill repute for 10 years before dhe found out the other girls got paid?
The only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker is observation. All the same data is present for both. The rest is understanding what you are seeing.

woodsalta
 
Posts: 240
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:10 am
Location: Framingham, MA

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby woodsalta » Thu Sep 29, 2011 7:39 am

A girl brings her new boyfriend over to meet her grandparents for the first time. Grandma is up stairs and the boyfriend sits down on the couch and sees a large bowl of peanuts sitting on the coffee table and grabs a handfull and starts popping them in his mouth one at a time. The grandmother makes her way downstairs and meets her granddaughters new beau and upon leaving the boyfriend says, "It was nice to meet you today, and thank you for those delicioius peanuts." To which the grandmother says , "It was nice meeting you too and since I lost my dentures I've only been able to suck the chocolate off the M&M's!"
A man with a gun is a citizen, a man without a gun is a subject.

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kellory
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby kellory » Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:36 pm

Change your course now
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. :lol:
The only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker is observation. All the same data is present for both. The rest is understanding what you are seeing.

woodsalta
 
Posts: 240
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:10 am
Location: Framingham, MA

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby woodsalta » Thu Oct 13, 2011 10:41 am

An oversized lady goes into a bar in Ireland and raises her arm letting all her armpit hair stick out and says, "Who wants to buy a lady a drink in this place?"

After a few minutes an older gent in the back says, "I"ll buy the ballerina a drink!"

She finishes the drink and raises her other arm letting all her armpit hair stick out and says, "Who wants to buy a lady another drink in this place?"

The same guy a few minutes later say, "I'll buy the ballerina another drink!"

Before the bartender pours the drink he asks, "Why do you keep calling her a ballerina?

To which the older gent says, "Any woman who can raise her legs that high MUST be a ballerina!"
A man with a gun is a citizen, a man without a gun is a subject.

Vapour
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Vapour » Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:26 am

Deer is my one of the best favorite animal in my favorite animals. I like deer jokes but i also like cat jokes. So, now i want to hear some cat jokes. Please anybody tell me some cat jokes. I want to tell cat jokes to my younger sister. She is annoying me for hearing cat jokes.

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kellory
 
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Location: Ohio

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby kellory » Sun Jan 15, 2012 7:30 am

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station. Why did the dead cat cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.!
The only real difference between a good tracker and a bad tracker is observation. All the same data is present for both. The rest is understanding what you are seeing.

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Woods Walker
 
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Location: Northern Illinois

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Woods Walker » Mon Jan 16, 2012 1:05 pm

Obama at the bank..

President Obama walks into the Bank of America and says to a cashier, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?


Cashier:

"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?


Obama:

"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the president of the United States.”


Cashier:

"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."


Obama:

"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."


Cashier:

"I am sorry, but these are government and bank rules and I must follow them."


Obama:

"I am urging you please to cash this check."


Cashier:

"Look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and we cashed his check."


"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and served an ace shot directly into the center of our bank logo 90 feet away. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"


Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, nothing comes to mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do."


Cashier:

"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"
Hunt Hard,

Kill Swiftly,

Waste Nothing,

Offer No Apologies.....

>>>--------------------------------->
NRA Endowment Life Member

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