As I said in my earlier post:
I will give you some good advice: if you're in a treestand, and bundled up in 3-4 layers ( including a wool union suit, coveralls, and insulated bibs, etc.) do not-- REPEAT: DO NOT!!!-- think you can wait.
Thanks for sharing. This was the first post I read after waking up. There are now brown stains on the inside of my eyelids.
As I may have mentioned before, I took up deer hunting after retiring from caving as a hobby. This is another one of those things that cavers have over deer hunters. Caving has the added combination of A) tainted water B) cavers normally travel in groups C) you can be stuck in a single file line belly crawling for an hour or more. You get around a few old cavers . . .
. . .and this is only surpassed by the stories you get from old war vets. One night I got stuck between a guy who'd been in the Solomons and another guy who'd been just north of The Bulge. They were arguing about which was worse: The Jungle or The Cold. There are brown stains on my mind that no thoughts of puppies playing in the sunshine will ever be able to erase.
Let me just add a couple of other practical thoughts to this thread. As I said, I've been watching threads like this on hunting forums for years. As one is an outgrowth of the other, you see the topic of "Monkey Butt" coming up. First off: cleanliness is the first line of defense as well as the best cure. Second: Running water is the best way to achieve this. There is nothing like a cold mountain stream, but they are sometimes hard to come by. Third:. . . wait a second. I know there are a lot of young fathers out there. I want you to do me a favor.
If you have a kid still in diapers, I want you to go into the nursery and find the baby wipes. I want you to take one of the wipes and take it into the bathroom and try it on yourself. Just humor me. Go do it--this is for your kids. One of two scenarios will happen:
1) You sat down on the commode, applied the baby wipe and although it was a bit cold, it was refreshing. Go back in the nursery and take note of this brand. Take some along with you on the next hunting trip. A few of these in a sandwich Ziploc can really make your day, and help you wash up afterwards.
2) You sat down on the commode, applied the baby wipe and suddenly found that someone had just hit your sphincter with a blowtorch. You do a dance across the bathroom with your trousers down. You grab a towel rod and rip it off the wall. Then sanity returns and you realize that maybe if you get something to make it evaporate quicker, it will stop hurting. Some men fan with their hands. Some men use a hair dryer. Then you reach a startling conclusion:
NOW WONDER THAT KID DOESN'T LIKE TO HAVE HIS DIAPER CHANGED!!!
Find a new brand of baby wipe. Just because it has a baby or a daisy on the label doesn't mean it won't hurt you. The brand that gave me the epiphany even said "Alcohol Free." Sadly, I had this realization a few years after the youngest of my three sons was well out of diapers. At the earliest possible opportunity, I gathered all three boys together and apologized for the years of torture. Thankfully they had been too young to remember, and had no idea what I was talking about and just thought I was nuts.
Beyond cleanliness, a tube of diaper rash ointment in the shaving kit is a good idea. If this is not available, nearly any cooking grease will do. I have even stolen a smidge of bullet lube for my muzzleloader. Be careful with hand lotion. It may have alcohol in it as well.
If you have severe monkey butt, I have another hint for you all. I will make few product endorsements in my life. This one is going to be the most heartfelt of all: Nupercainal Ointment. A tube will last the average guy half his lifetime. It is a OTC hemorrhoid preparation that contains a hefty dose of dibucaine anesthetic. Not only does it do a miraculous job on monkey butt, but it also is a fairly decent burn salve. My grandfather turned me on to the stuff. Put some electrical tape around the top of the tube. This is not a preparation you want to mix up with toothpaste in the dark. Don't ask how I know.