Joke of the Day

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passin through
 
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Joke of the Day

Postby passin through » Sun Feb 22, 2009 4:54 pm

I thought it might be good to add something like this to lighten things up a bit...keep them clean and they can be about anything!
It matters not the weapon nor its caliber, rather the caliber of the one who wields it.

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passin through
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby passin through » Sun Feb 22, 2009 4:55 pm

[font="times new roman"]Each Friday night after work, Boudreaux would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped
and watched in amazement. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
[/font][/align]
It matters not the weapon nor its caliber, rather the caliber of the one who wields it.

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reeper0697
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby reeper0697 » Sun Feb 22, 2009 5:38 pm

Passin through,
 
I added another joke and bumped a hunting joke thread in the "General Discussion" forum. Check them out people have posted some good ones and add any of your own!
Put me on a mountain, way back in the backwoods
Put me on a lake with biggin' on the line
Put me around a campfire cookin' something I just cleaned

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passin through
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby passin through » Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:07 am

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep s**t now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story.....

Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
It matters not the weapon nor its caliber, rather the caliber of the one who wields it.

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John1961
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby John1961 » Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:37 am

A bear and a rabbit were sitting in the woods side by side taking a poop. The bear looked at the rabbit and asked " Hey rabbit, do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?" Hell no the rabbit said. The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his but.
John
U.S. Army Retired and Proud American
Black Water Hunting Club
" BUY AMERICAN "

coach
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby coach » Mon Feb 23, 2009 3:16 pm

Coach decided to propose to Ms. Coach, but prior to her acceptance Ms. Coach had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Coach that she suffered a disease that left her right breast at the maturity of a 12 year old.
 
Coach stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much. However, Coach felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity.
 
Coach looked Ms. Coach in the eyes and said...."I too have a problem.  My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.  She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Ms. Coach and Coach got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Coach whisked Ms. Coach off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Ms. Coach
put her hands in Coach's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Coach ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"

Yes it is" Coach replied".....8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"
 
Cheers
Ottawa, Ontario

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Woods Walker
 
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Location: Northern Illinois

RE: Joke of the Day

Postby Woods Walker » Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:11 pm

(Mods...if this one is too over the top, let me know and I'll delete it...)
 
My Female Urologist........
 
 
As men age, we start seeing more of the medical world, which nowadays seems to include an increasing number of women as our physicians and therapists. And in my case, a new urologist.

My family doctor recently referred me to a just out of medical school female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating.

I asked her why.

She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."   [:D]

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reeper0697
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby reeper0697 » Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:21 pm

LOL!! nice Woods Walker.
 
I like jokes and comedians that "push the line" as well as redneck comedians. I just enjoy any good laugh.
Put me on a mountain, way back in the backwoods
Put me on a lake with biggin' on the line
Put me around a campfire cookin' something I just cleaned

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passin through
 
Posts: 746
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:48 am

RE: Joke of the Day

Postby passin through » Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:04 am

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.

While enroute home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tiptoe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money, (He) paid for the Corvette I gave you. (He) paid for our new cabin cruiser. (He) paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. (He) paid for our house at the lake. (He) paid for that Grand Nite Champion Bluetick, I gave you for your Birthday. (He) paid for our country club membership, and He even pays the monthly dues! '

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replies , 'I'd cover his butt with that blanket before he catches cold.'[/align]
It matters not the weapon nor its caliber, rather the caliber of the one who wields it.

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OHhunter
 
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RE: Joke of the Day

Postby OHhunter » Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:49 am

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
> "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids
> could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,
> 9, 10!"
>
> "Very good," said her mother.
>
> "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
>
> "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
>
> The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
>
> "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled,
>
> "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it
> to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
>
> "Very good," said her mother.
>
> "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
>
> "Yes, it's because you're blonde."
>
> The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
>
> "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we
> showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she
> lifted her tank top to reveal a fully developed chest.
>
> "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
>
> "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
>
> "No Honey, it's because you're 24."
Brad

HUNT HARD, SHOOT STRAIGHT, CLEAN KILL APOLOGIZE TO NO ONE

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